Tag Archives: life choices

2014 DATING TIP #55: Live the Dream, Embrace Compromise

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2014-dating-tip-#55

Compromise isn’t sexy, for sure, but it’s the reality of any relationship, especially the marriage kind.

Ask ANY happily married person you know if they ever compromise with their spouse or kids and they’ll shock you by telling you how many times they have to compromise something in their life… every day! So if it’s a reality for married couples why would it be any different in a serious dating relationship that could be heading for marriage?

But what do I mean by COMPROMISE?

There are two categories of compromise that must be defined:

#1. Areas that you should NEVER compromise. This includes standards of character, integrity, sexual purity, honesty, and aspects of your spirituality or faith. You should keep your standards high for the both of you and never let someone you’re dating tear away at the things that have to do with MORALITY and TRUST. If they are, that fool needs to go…fast.

But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m speaking about the second category.

#2. Areas of personal preference, selfishness, or non-essential things that you should ALWAYS be open to compromise. This is the killer list and is what can slow you down or sabotage what could be a fantastic relationship that leads to marriage. You still with me?

This category includes pretty much EVERYTHING not included under category #1. Things like changing schedules, preferences in food, exercise, entertainment, night life, wants, likes, desires…things that YOU MAY BE USED TO HAVING FINAL SAY AND FULL CONTROL OVER, those things. You hearing me?

What I’m telling you right now is the real, raw, unedited truth about marriage and life. So you’d better just embrace it and deal with it, because here’s the problem: if your expectations about life while you are dating (or looking to date) someone are unrealistic, then you may jump ship from a potentially awesome marriage relationship due to your own selfish little wants and desires. Let me put it another way: if your quest for the “perfect mate” really is more about finding the person who fits nice and neat into the incredible life that you’ve made for yourself and really don’t want to change, then you may be living more of a fairy tale than real life, my friend.

Listen, I care about you.

I know that this dating thing is WAY more nuanced and complex than one little blog post can ever truly cover. But hear my heart in this. Society has sold us a fantasy that says that you can have it all. Well, you can’t.

And you know what? Life isn’t designed like that. Because if it was, then you and I would never grow. We would never have to face our own selfishness or have to man up in certain situations or face our fears or expand our souls through sacrifice, giving, serving, and unconditional love – IF WE GOT EXACTLY WHAT WE WANTED THEN WE WOULDN’T EVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO BECOME BETTER VERSIONS OF OURSELVES.

So do yourself a favor today and embrace compromise. Know that the relationship you’re in (or the next one around the corner) isn’t perfect on purpose, in fact it is designed to change you. So without lowering your standards in the areas that matter, celebrate the opportunities you have to get involved in the give-and-take, the self-sacrifice, and the imperfect life that you are growing to understand you will have to embrace if you want to live the dream.

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