If You’re Afraid Of Having Kids…
Here’s something I’ve learned that might encourage you today: you can never out-give your family.
What I mean by that is no matter how much I serve, sacrifice, or make selfless choices for the benefit of my wife and kids (which is a very intense reality for folks looking square on at how their lives will change once they start having kiddos), they ALWAYS pour love, fun, and enrichment back into my life beyond what I have ever done for them.
I’ve tested this out for more than 15 years now with my wife and our 5 children, and I am now convinced it is a natural family law: you can never out-give your spouse and kids.
Here’s the trick: true selflessness isn’t thinking about what it will get in return or how it comes back to them. Selflessness is unconditional love, which means that it pours out without expecting anything in return. Truly. But the magic of this is that once that is activated – BOOM! – you are investing in a natural law that is getting ready to bless your socks off. Sounds contradictory, I know, but it’s what I’ve discovered to be true.
Feel free to try it for yourself.
When your husband screws up or is letting you down pretty consistently in an area, the general rule is to not beat him up about it (as much as you want to, I know).
Confront him, discuss how things can change for the better, be generous with your forgiveness and explain how you plan to support him as he matures and grows. Don’t let him off the hook or enable a weakness of his or a victim mentality. But don’t light your hair on fire either.
Here’s why: good guys who make mistakes or are weak in areas as husbands or dads know it too well, and are usually dealing with guilt and shame about it already. If you attack him, he’ll shut down, and that will never help him grow and change. So be redemptive in your correction, loving in your stance for righteousness, and very liberal in your expression of support and faith in him. Let him know how his behavior negatively effects you (and/or the kids), but do your best to communicate that as a fact that has the potential to change, not as a reality that he will never grow out of.
You’re partners, not enemies. The speed of his growth and maturity in many ways is directly proportionate to how you deal with his failures.
It’s best for everyone if you can deal with them with grace.