Category Archives: Choice Empowerment Parenting

“The One Thing That Will Make or Break Your Family Life”

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Sounds a little over dramatic, doesn’t it?

But it’s true. The dynamics of how we prioritize our relationships in our family is one of the most important factors in setting yourself, your spouse, and your kids up for success in life.

Especially for busy parents who can sometimes be plagued with GUILT and who end up putting things in the order – it can be very detrimental to your family.

Find out what you can do to build a successful system in your family…

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Is Counting At Your Kids To Make Them Obey You Hurting Or Helping Them?

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countingatyourkids

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know what I’m talking about.

“Krissy, I already told you twice to put that down and get in the car, we’re late. One…Two…Two and half…”

Now, I’m not an Anti-Counting Nazi or anything, but let me share with you why Holly and I are not “counters.”

#1. It is reasonable to set the standard for your children to obey you the first time. By asking twice or counting, we are teaching our kids that they don’t have to obey the first time. Instead, they can wait for mom or dad to get really angry or so serious that they start to count. So that’s not good. If first-time obedience is not a priority for your family, I encourage you to make it one. For us, it is the standard we are always working towards and responding off of.

#2. Counting is flippin’ draining for mom and dad. In your discipline and life of obedience with your kids, you should always avoid any behavior that drains energy from you. Is growing our kids hard work? Yes, but there is good hard work and bad hard work. Good hard work bears fruit over time in your children (as they grow in responsibility and self-control) and is life-GIVING. Bad hard work is the kind that sucks life out of you as YOU carry the majority of the burden of life for your kids and they don’t mature – they actually become more dependant and self-centered over time.

#3. “Counters”often don’t follow up with whatever the heck happens at “Three.” And when they do, it is often a burst of anger. Both of those responses are equally unhelpful to the maturing of our kids (not to mention it is really like a time-bomb for our frustration that WE are counting down to!). Lack of follow-through or outbursts of anger don’t help. Or the other threat, “Okay, we’re leaving without you.” C’mon, you’re not really going to leave your child.

Check out the other videos and posts on the site for what you CAN do to develop obedience in your child if you’re done being a “counter.” Like this one.

YOU CAN DO IT!

All the best as we start a new year together…

Dean

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“The 3 Steps To Get Your Child To Obey You The First Time”

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Are you tired of nagging, begging and pleading with your kids to obey you?

What if there were some simple steps you could take TODAY that would revolutionize your family life and cause your child to obey the first time you asked? Sound too good to be true? Check this short vid (originally posted on SupermomCEO.com) and start implementing these practical steps to see real transformation in your home.

And make sure to SHARE this with others you know who could really use some encouragement and help.

YOU CAN DO IT!

Dean

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SAVE ME FROM MY KIDS! (How To Survive Winter Break Without Losing Your Mind)

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winter break with kids

You know what I’m talking about. The kids are freaking sugared up, whining and wasted from sleepovers and late night parties, full blown cabin fever has set in, and the amount of movies, electronics, video games and i- everythings are turning them into zombified psychopaths.

Or is it just me?

Here are some quick tips on how to increase the peace.

#1. QUIET TIME AFTER LUNCH: this is one of our best hidden gems. After lunch, break the kiddos up and send them to their rooms (or another quiet place) for a specific amount of time – I use a timer and set it for 45 min or an hour. The RULES: only reading, no games, cell phones, TV, music. Nothing. ONLY reading. Some times we let them draw or write as well. But the idea is to simplify their souls for a time and allow them to “reboot” and “realign” their hearts and souls. Maybe some of them will even fall asleep! The other bonus to this is a patch of quiet time for you (wink).

#2. OUTSIDE PLAY: this may seem like, duh, but it is surprising how little kids play outside these days. Well, it’s even more important over winter break! Get those zombies outside! Now I know that for many of you it’s snowing or freezing cold – I get it. But do whatever it takes to get some fresh air and physical exercise in those little bods. And here’s another key in how to do it (because your kids most likely will protest at first): get up and go out to play WITH them! Not only is it important for you to get some exercise, it will create bonding memories for the whole family.

#3. CRAFTS, BOARD GAMES, & CREATIVE ACTIVITIES: the key to this is simple – when our kids are PROACTIVE with activities versus PASSIVE, their level of engagement increases and their attitudes have a greater shot at changing for the better. I don’t have any science or social data to prove this outside of my own experience, but I can tell you that playing Legos or building a fort outside or in the living room with sheets and pillows rejuvenates your child’s soul in a way that watching a movie or playing a video game on their iPad can never do. And here comes the success tip once again: it’s better if you can make the time to do this WITH your kiddos, not just bark at them to go and figure it out themselves.

I know you’re tired. So am I.

Make a plan. Stick to it. FORCE YOURSELF to do this with your kids. I know you’d rather pass out on the couch, but you’ll be happier and healthier if you PUSH forward with these simple ideas.

And so will your kids.

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“Turning Your Child’s Selfish Tears Into Thanksgiving in 30 Seconds”

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You need a quick solution to help turn that sour attitude into a thankful heart?

Well, here it is. 

I use this all the time with my kids (to help it get into their minds so that they can eventually do this exercise on their own without me). It’s simple, but so powerful.

And you can use it in your life too!

Like It. Share It. Practice It.

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“Stop Feeling Guilty As a Parent With This One Simple Revelation”

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You ever find yourself battling GUILT, DEPRESSION, or ANGER regarding your “performance” as a parent?

“I’m a horrible parent.”

“Nothing’s working.”

“I suck at this.”

We all experience these thoughts and emotions from time to time, especially when things aren’t going well with our kiddos.

But here’s something you NEED TO UNDERSTAND if you’re going to successfully navigate through these difficult times.

You can do it, friends.

Aloha,

Dean

 

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“How To Change Your Child’s Attitude Without Ripping Your Hair Out”

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The ability for your child to control their attitude is one of the most important factors in their future success.

But HOW do we help them learn how to do that from the inside out?

Check this vid for practical steps and SHARE it with those who could use the encouragement today:

YOU CAN DO IT!

Dean

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“One Big Mistake Parents Make With Their Kids During Halloween”

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If you’re rockin’ Halloween with your kiddos this year, I’d encourage you to prepare for it with one simple rule. You ready for it?

The rule is: MAKE ONE RULE.

It’s that simple. At least one. Just one simple rule that your kids need to follow.

Then, tie the consequences to NOT following that rule to losing a privilege that is related to their CANDY.

I’m trying to make this simple. Here it is again:

1. MAKE A RULE

2. MAKE THE CONSEQUENCES TO NOT FOLLOWING THAT RULE CONNECTED WITH YOUR CHILD’S ACCESS TO THEIR CANDY.

Because here’s a huge mistake we make during a special event or occasion like Halloween: we let our kids unleash their inner monster and we pay the price for it.

You know what I’m talking about. I’m all for our kids having fun at parties, get-togethers, or events like trick-or-treating. But we miss a huge opportunity to train them in civility and self-control if we miss the ONE RULE. Am I being too real and practical?

Here are some possible ones you can steal:

1. No eating candy while you’re trick-or-treating. If you do, you won’t be able to eat any candy tomorrow.

2. From all the candy you will get tonight, you will be able to choose your top ten and the rest will be discarded (after, of course, mom and dad and grandma and grandpa have their shot at it ;)).

3. For older kidders: if you are not back home by _________ p.m., you will lose all of your candy.

… fun rules like this. Or whatever.

Whoa, Dean, relax. It’s just Halloween… lighten up and have fun!

Well, obviously you’ve never dealt with five kids and their friends running wild, candy, sugar, costumes (that often times include swords or other weapons), high energy, and lots and lots of darkness surrounding you with large hidden moving vehicles within it.

You know what I’m screamin’?

It’s not about spoiling fun, it’s just about laying down some rules and simply expecting your kids to follow them so that THEY can have fun, YOU can have fun, and everyone can be safe.

And all I’m saying to you is that you’ve got the extremely high level ground when it comes to using your child’s candy as a sting of consequences if they choose to not use self-control or make right choices. Don’t waste that opportunity. Don’t be stripped of your power. Don’t be the victim.

Choose, right now, a rule you think is important and a consequence that is fair, and explain it clearly and lovingly to your child. Then go out and have a blast.

Because even if your kids are dressing up like monsters on the outside, it doesn’t mean you need to let them be monsters on the inside as well.

Monsters?

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“One Thing You Must Do To Develop Your Child’s Self-Image”

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If you don’t understand the dynamics of this one concept, you may be hurting your child’s self-image and their chances for success in life.

It’s really that important!

In this vid I break down the seemingly esoteric concept of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and how we practically show this to our kids in everyday life.

Check it:

Enjoy & SHARE!

Dean

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“How To Get Your Kids To Stop Whining So You Can Have Peace In Your Home Again” – Part 2

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Are you ready to END the whining war in your home?

I’m not saying it doesn’t come with hard work, but I can tell you that it isn’t impossible! What if you could just cut down the amount of whining you experience every day by ONE HALF? How amazing would that be?

Well, I can speak from experience and tell you that my wife and I have a TON less whining than we should have in our home – we’ve got five kids – and it’s because we practice these principles every single day.

If you haven’t watched the first part to this 2-Part series, start here. Then check this out:

If you know a friend or family member who could use some help in this area, please SHARE this with them to encourage and equip them.

Go for the Whine-Free Home, my friend!

YOU CAN DO IT.

Aloha,

Dean

 

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